Unicorn: Adult Best Friendships.

Being a girl is hard.  Being an adult girl is even harder.  Being an adult girl trying to make new friends is the hardest thing in the world.

You always hear people say that friends come and go, that the right ones for you will stay, that this is the year to get rid of toxic friendships, blah blah blah.  But at the end of the day, regardless of the details, losing a friend is really freaking hard.

I’ve come to the conclusion that BFF breakups are harder than other breakups, because BFF breakups aren’t “socially accepted.”  What I mean by that is – when people get divorced or break up with their significant other, it’s natural and well-mannered for others to say, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that” or to give you a hug.  Whereas, when you, as an adult, unwillingly tell people that you and your best friend broke up, they kind of laugh and shrug it off.

But this is no joke.  Losing my best friend of 8+ years feels exactly like grieving a death in my family.

After some harsh words, and months of tears and sleepless nights (sounds dramatic, I know, but it’s real)…  I sat down with a few glasses of wine (or the bottle), and downloaded Bumble BFF.  And MAN, was it painful.  After scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of women, and swiping left on every single one, the app slapped me in the face with a: “Looks like you’re out of people…”  I kid you not.  I burst into tears, thinking all sorts of irrational thoughts, like:  “I’m never, ever going to find another friend again.”

Anyway.  Fast forward a few weeks – after only talking to one girl on Bumble BFF (who is an amazing, fashion-obsessed, crazy cat lady like moi, by the way) – I completely lost all hope and interest in trying desperately to find a new BFF.

I went out with friends one weekend, and ran into an old friend, who I hadn’t seen in years… and boom.  She wants to have dinner.  And two other friends from middle school – they want to go on a girl date too!  Girls started reaching out to me in the most unexpected and sincere ways (thank you).  After running into that old friend, I came home so excited, bouncing off the walls, telling my husband all about it, and he casually says:  “See.  Right when you stopped trying so hard, the universe knew.”

And the universe did know.

First girl date was a success.  The desserts at Last Course on Regent taste as amazing as they look.  Super cute, super chic dessert studio.  Highly recommend.

XO NINA
@xoninackim

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11 thoughts on “Unicorn: Adult Best Friendships.

  1. Oh my gosh you are speaking to my soul once again. Someone once told me it takes as long as you were married to get over losing your spouse and so I realized, expect it to take about 8 years to get over losing your best friend. And it did. It was awful and heart breaking and I think it was worse feeling like I lost them to someone else and they didn’t care. They were totally over me am I was completely alone. This is probably why I boyfriend hopped for so long because I didn’t really want to get close to people just to have them leave. Eventually I did get over it but it was a very long process and one a lot of people don’t understand. And now we are in this totally different life of trying to coordinate girls nights with husbands and kids schedules and it feels impossible! It definitely requires being vulnerable and saying yes even when you’re exhausted just to even get a friendship started.

    1. Amber!! You are always writing every single thing I feel. Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for commenting. It is crazy hard as adults to make time for friends or to coordinate girls nights, I can’t even imagine how much harder it gets when you have kids! Not to mention the time and energy it takes, absolutely. Sometimes I’d rather just work all day and go home and lounge, but I’ve been trying to force myself to put myself out there and invest time into the few people who really matter. <3

      1. I don’t know what happened between you two, but I love you both, and will forever cherish all of our Cranberry Hills days together. <3

  2. Deep, meaningful connections–whether for romance or friendship– don’t happen easily. That’s why it’s special when you find someone and your souls just fit one another. I know that someone is a special friend when the best part of a night out is the ride in the car together to/from an event.

  3. This breaks my heart for so many reasons! Not only because I’m reminded of the best friends I’ve lost throughout my life, some more impactful than others, but also reminds me of the things that I did as a person that contributed to those best-friendships’ demises. I feel like even my current best friend and I go through so many ebbs and flows that I sometimes even grieve her, too! Even though we’re still best friends. If that makes sense. Anyway, this really resonated with me. I’m excited beyond words for our upcoming wine night 🥂

    1. Thanks for reading, love. I’m so excited for wine night too! I’ve loved reconnecting with you, and I can totally understand grieving current friendships. It’s just hard, as adults (and moms) to maintain and care for every relationship we’ve had in our lives, and none of us are perfect.

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